Wufei's Tips for Success
by Ryu-and-Lali
Summary: Some advice handed from one Preventer to the Next.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. I do, however, own Luccedio Noin/the Noin brother.**_

_**Wufei's Tips for Success**_

_**By: Ryu and Lali**_

_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**_

Dear Weak Minded Souls of Preventers,

Wufei here! I have decided that my great ideas for you wonderful movie goers really paid off, and I have now come up with a News Letter for all you employees, since you all read and loved the article in the paper, called "Wufei's Tips For Going to The Movies".

As you all know, I am all for helping my fellow man make a better living for themselves and why not have my own company news letter to give you, the employee, that advice. I believe that you will all very much appreciate this in the long run. I actually guarantee this!

**Tip Number One:** If you work in the office, business attire is the dress code. I like to wear a tuxedo each and every day to work. I highly recommend this, for it shows just how _dedicated_ you are to following the rules. Even Lady Une seems to be impressed. She even talks about this with her women friends. Those looks of disgust she throws my way are just her way of telling me how really appreciative she is of my fashion sense. Even the pink slip in my office mail box was appreciated.

"_Umm, Lady Une, you can't fire my partner." Sally said walking into her office. She stood directly in front of the woman's desk with her arms crossed. She was not about to let the brunette fire the one man that she could trust to get the job done… in more ways than one._

"_I'm not really firing him, just scaring him straight." Une answered leaning back in her chair, propping her elbows on the arm rest and lacing her fingers together._

"_Oh, he's straight alright." Sally chuckled. Her mind flitted back to the night before and she smiled to herself, that had been fun._

"_That's not what I meant." Une said rolling her eyes. "He needs to wear the uniform not be James Bond."_

"_I'm sure that's not what he meant." Sally then decided to take a seat across from the woman. "I think he is just trying to impress you."_

"_Then why is one Heero Yuy walking through the halls occasionally pointing a gun at him with no malice or threat and with a smirk none the less… not to mention the fact that Wufei then pulls out a gun and aims it at Yuy… it's like they have some inside joke going on and I don't appreciate it, and it's entertaining the Noin Brother." She pointed at the Lucrezia Noin look alike who was seated in the office next to hers, laughing his head off at some television program he was watching. Sally wondered why the man was sitting in Noins office, but decided not to press the matter._

**Tip Number Two:** Periodically ask your wife if she can still fit into her wedding dress. This will make her appreciate how long you've been married. Trust me on this one, my wife _loves_ when I ask her this question. She cries for joy any time I ask!

"_YOU ASS!" Sally yelled throwing a vase at the man as she went to their room, slamming the door and locking it behind her._

_He had caught the vase she had thrown at him and had set it on the table in front of him._

_Wufei sat on the couch with his head in his hands. It had started out as a simple argument about what room they would put the double nursery in and for whatever reason things went from the nursery to how much she had been eating and how it was not very good for her to be eating so much fast food. To top off the argument, he had asked her if she could even fit into her wedding dress. She slapped him for that one. She then proceeded to call him an ass._

"_Sally." He said coming up to the door. There was no answer. He knocked lightly and tried the door, to his amazement it was not locked. He had sworn he had heard the lock click. "Woman?" He called into the pitch black room._

"_Go. Away." She answered throwing a pillow at him. "Why would you say something like that?" She asked when she sensed that he was not going to leave. Normally, his comment would have been met by some smart ass remark from her, but ever since the fourth month of the pregnancy, she had been overly emotional. An emotional rollercoaster as Quatre had dubbed it when Noin had been pregnant with their first child._

"_I'm sorry." Wufei said coming fully into the room and closing the door. He wasn't known for apologies, but he had learned very quickly at the beginning of this pregnancy that saying 'sorry' was going to be the only way to sleep in his bed, room, couch, house… planet… He placed a knee on his side of the bed and leaned forward pulling himself fully onto the bed. He could tell her back was to him._

"_Woman, please look at me." He stated. She didn't move. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, I regretted the moment it left my mouth."_

"_Wufei, we are to be moving into our house in a matter of just a few weeks. We need to pick a room for the nursery." She said. It was obvious that she did not want to talk about what had just happened._

**Tip Number Three**: Correcting peoples' grammar and spelling on Facebook will make you seem scholarly and intelligent. I like to do this, religiously. If any of you have Duo Maxwell as your friend of Facebook, take notes. He cannot spell to save his life, not to mention that his grammar is horrendous. Where did he get his writing skills? A box of Frosted Flakes if you ask me.

_Wufei was looking over his comrades Facebooks seeing as he had some free time. He clicked on Duo's page and instantly regretted it._

_**Duo Maxwell wnts a grl in my brthdy c8ke nxt weak.**_

_Comments:_

_**Hilde Maxwell**__:_

_Really now?_

_**Quatre Raberba Winner:**_

_Duo, is there something you are not telling us? I mean, I can make it happen, but I don't want to die by the hand of Hilde. So she better be who you had in mind._

_**Heero Yuy:**_

_Hn._

_**Duo Maxwell:**_

_So thts hw u spll tht._

_**Trowa Barton:**_

…

_**Duo Maxwell:**_

_U knw, ths is jst lke tlkng 2 u ppl in prsn._

_**Quatre Raberba Winner:**_

_We shouldn't be fighting at all._

_**Chang Wufei:**_

_Shut up Quatre. And Maxwell, it's "I want a girl in my birthday cake." and_

_"You know, this is just like talking to you people in person."_

_**Zechs Merquise:**_

_He's not able to shut up nor shut his zipper._

_**Quatre Raberba Winner:**_

_Are we really going on about this?_

_**Duo Maxwell:**_

_I ddnt ask 4 a grmmr lssn Wu-man_

_**Lucrezia Noin:**_

_Boys, stop acting like children. Are we really still on this?_

_**(Treize Khushrenada and Lady Une Like this Comment)**_

_**Zechs Merquise:**_

_I didn't ask for your opinion Noin._

_**Chang Wufei:**_

_No man asks for a woman's opinion, it's just bestowed upon them like it or not._

_And Maxwell, I believe you do._

**Tip Number Four:** While driving, slam on your brakes unnecessarily and as often as possible in order to keep everyone around you alert and paranoid.

"_How am I the bad driver?" Wufei demanded. "I should be honored! It was he who was the bad driver."_

"_Wufei, the man slammed into the back of your bike because you unexpectedly slammed on your breaks." Sally stated looking at the man as he pouted at his desk. "Did you honestly think he wouldn't get mad?"_

"_He should have been watching where he was going!" Wufei yelled. "Aware of his surroundings! He never would have made it as a Gundam Pilot, Oz soldier, Mariemaia soldier and God forbid he ever became a Preventer! Belongs in a circus, he does."_

"_Wufei, the man who hit you was Trowa." Sally raised an eye brow._

"_THERE YOU GO!" Wufei threw his arms in the air and fell into his seat._

**Tip Number Five:** Right before opening a soda bottle or can, shake it vigorously to mix all the flavor together, therefore making your drink taste better and more satisfying. Also do this before giving the unopened beverage to someone. They will appreciate the fact that they don't have to do it themselves.

"_Why thank you, Wufei." Une said smiling at the man as he handed her the bottle Coke. "That was very uncharacteristically nice of you."_

"_Duo is the one who told me you were going to be getting a bottle. I just thought I'd get it for you." Wufei said turning to leave. "Enjoy." He left and made his away across the cubicle farm to his desk._

_Une opened the glass bottle of soda. The top flew off ricocheting of the ceiling and smashed through the glass wall that was her window into the cubicle farm. The soda erupted out of the bottle and all over the office and Lady Une._

"_CHANG WUFEI!"_

**Tip Number Six:** The first time you see your lover naked, laugh. It helps break the ice.

_Sally had just come out of the shower and since Wufei was not home had decided to walk back to her room in the nude. She wrapped her hair up in a towel and left the bathroom._

_Wufei had arrived home early from his mission and was seated at the kitchen table reading a news paper. He had set the paper down long enough to take a drink of his tea when he saw the very nude figure of one Doctor Sally Po walk by the doorway. She turned into her room, which was situated right across from the kitchen. It was then that he saw the birthmark on the woman's behind. On the left cheek was a brown birthmark in the shape of the head of Mickey Mouse._

_It was then that the man began to laugh… hard. Sally turned to face him and walked over to the door and leaned against the frame, arms crossed._

"_What is it that you find so funny?" She asked in a much amused voice. She had never heard the man laugh in the time that she knew him, therefore it entertained her greatly. He stopped for only a second to look at her and then continued to laugh._

"_The… birthmark… on your ass… it's… so… AHAHHAHAHA." He couldn't help himself, he was highly amused by the mark on her behind. It was then that the woman realized just how very naked she was and how the man sitting before her was laughing like a hyena at her expense. She quickly slammed the bedroom door and emerged a few moments later in a pair of shorts and a tank._

"_It's not at all funny." She said sitting down beside him and taking his tea from in front of him and drinking it. "The next time you walk back to your room in the buff, I'll be sure to laugh at your slight imperfections."_

"_Woman, I am not imperfect in any way shape or form." The man stood up from the table and slammed his paper on the table._

"_I'm sure you don't." She said picking up the discarded paper._

"_You don't believe me?" he asked. He grabbed the paper from her and threw it on the floor. He then grabbed her hand and pulled her up from her seat._

"_Wufei, I was going to read that." She said looking at the discarded paper on the floor. Her gaze was ripped from the paper by his hand roughly taking her chin and making her look him in the eye. "And as for…"_

"_I'll prove that I am the perfect man, in any situation." He said coming closer to her._

"_Here?" She cocked an eye brow. "Wufei, I really don't want to play this game, I've already seen you…"_

"_Right here, right now." He said before kissing her._

**Tip Number Seven:** When your boss tells you she had a great Christmas feast staring at her midsection and saying "indeed" while nodding your head disapprovingly will often result in a raise.

_Une slapped Wufei before he could even blink. He stared at her a moment._

"_You, Chang Wufei, are certainly having your pay docked." Une stated turning around and storming into her office and slamming the door. The glass wall that allowed her to look out over the cubicle farm shattered with the force of the door connecting with the wall. "GOD DAMN IT! Ich hatte gerade die Fassung!"_

**Tip Number Eight**: Always pillage BEFORE you burn.

"_Ummm… Maxwell?" Wufei asked staring at the building that was ablaze. "Why is the target of our mission on fire?"_

"_Was that not our mission? Get the blue prints of the enemy base?" Duo asked._

"_Did you get the blue prints?"_

"_I thought you did."_

**Tip Number Nine:** Banging your head on your desk can burn up to 60 calories per hour.

_Wufei turned toward the black SUV that was beside him and started to bang his head on the hood of the car._

"_WINNER WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THIS! WHY DID YOU GIVE ME MAXWELL! HE'S AN INCOMPETANT FOOL!" Wufei continued to bang his head on the car._

**Tip Number Ten:** If your boss is German, always refer to her as Hitler. She will appreciate the comparison.

"_I have never once condemned an entire race." The woman said calmly glaring at the Chinese man. "How dare you compare me to such a horrible horrible man. If anyone should have been in a concentration camp and had those things done to them, it should have been him and any one else who was a Nazi. How would you like it if I compared you to any of the communistic leaders of the country you are from? I'm sure as hell that you would not enjoy that, Chang Wufei. You have some nerve."_

"_More like a psychological problem." Luccedio Noin said coming to stand beside the brunette._

"_Are you a board certified psychologist?" Wufei questioned._

"_Very much so." The Italian smiled. "You know what would be therapeutic for you, writing a list of Tips for Success. It very well might help you with some of that anger, I hear that your news article was a hit. Why not make this one an office memo. Then I prescribe one hour a day in Duo Maxwells Management of Anger for the next six weeks."_

There you have it, your top ten tips for success as a Preventer. I'm sure that you have learned much and will use this all to your great advantage.

Yours Truly,

Chang Wufei

_**x-x-x-x-x**_

_**One Week Later**_

_**x-x-x-x-x**_

"Ich werde ihn töten!" Came the irritated voice of one Lady Une. She stormed out of her office, office letter in hand. Her fist collided with Wufei's office door. A moment later the door opened and a very amused Wufei stared at her.

"I was expecting you." He said with a cocky grin. "Please, step into my office."

"I want you out! Out of my hair for the next two weeks, on an all expense paid trip to anywhere your little black heart desires… ANYWHERE! Take Sally with you, she could use a vacation. Raising your three brats must be very time consuming."

"That is what the Nanny for." Sally chuckled coming into the office and sitting in a chair.

**_x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x_**

**Authors Note: I transferred this from my personal account. I figured that it would make things easier for me... I spend more time on this one than the other, so I may just transfer all of them... There is mention of a fic prior to this, I will be posting that too... it just needs some work.. you do not have to have read that fic to understand this one! I hope to have the new one up before I turn in for the night. If was**** not perfect, I apologize!**

**Also, this kind of co-insides with With or Without You or as it was renamed and moved to Ryu-and-Lali (Meet Me Halfway). It's not sequential or anything, but I just thought I'd let you know. And yes, Wufei and Sally will have kids in the other Fic... four to be exact... You will love them!**

**I used two German phrases in here. The first one that will come up means... "I just replaced that." (loosely of course) and the other is "I will kill him." (again loosely). German is not my chosen language... Also, there is a Hitler reference regarding Une. I do not think she is at all like him... no one could be that cruel... I was just using it as a way for Wufei to seem like an ass... which is not too hard to do.**

**Ah, and for some news: I have decided to study for a semester to a year in Japan. I start Japanese classes this summer. I hope that by the time I am back from Japan I will be able to translate a great bulk of my fics into Japanese or at least know someone who could do it for me. As soon as I have Spanish down, I'll be doing the same.**


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